Thursday, April 5, 2012

Failed Adoptions and Clanging Cymbals

Today I was checking my personal messages, and for a moment I drifted off into territory I am trying to avoid.  This was mainly because a friend had posted a link to a story about something that resonates with me.  Something from my own personal experience.  So I granted myself permission to read the article.  It was about a failed adoption by a public figure.  I don't know the figure.  I don't know any of the details.  I just know the story because it is written into my bones.

My friend had noted that she thought the comments were scary.  And they were.  They ranged from ignorant opinion, to mean spirited judgment, to well thought out drivel from people who have nothing but the thoughts inside their own head and no experience with the topic at hand.

The thing is this:  There is nothing surprising about those comments.  They are precisely what I would expect to see.  They are precisely what I would have expected to write, if my life had not taken some of the twists it has taken.  And it is a sobering lesson to me, with my strong opinions and flapping mouth.  How many times have I opined on subjects of which I have no firsthand knowledge?  How many times have I forced my well thought out opinions on someone whose heart is breaking?  And how many times have I congratulated myself for doing my duty, being the voice of reason, providing support....when all I have been is a clanging cymbal in the ear of someone who needed quiet rest?


Megan said...

I also read that article and struggled all the way through the comments. Such harsh critisms from people who will never see the realities of so many adoptive families. Glad to know I wasn't the only one with big feelings about it :-)

waldenbunch said...

To me, it's the same idea of criticizing the Duggars' miscarriage and judging them for the number of children they have. I couldn't live that life but they don't need me criticizing their family decisions. People criticize vehemently and it's just hurtful and wrong. I have not read the article on the adoption but I have a similar story. Don't judge until you've walked a mile in my shoes.

anya* said...

To often I have been a clanging cymbal. The farther I walk down 'complicated' roads, the more I realize how much I don't know. I can't hold much against anyone anymore, knowing that not to long ago I had lofty opinions about pretty much everything myself.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

The part that bothered me the most was how genuinely mean those comments were. Judgmental and vicious, yes, but some were just nasty for the sake of nastiness it seemed.
I dunno, I felt really bad for the woman. Also, if I hear one more person saying how an adoptive mom just wanted to be like Angelina I'm going to blow.